HOW TO Windows: Play with SAPI

Dim message, sapi
message=InputBox("What do you want me to say?","SAPI")
Set sapi=CreateObject("sapi.spvoice")
sapi.Speak message

SAPI is Windows' Text-to-Speech functionality. This Visual Basic script will present you with an input box that will read back to you whatever you type into it. (Ok, this isn't immediately as useful as it is fun. But it's great for pranks, and you can find the script extremely useful once you learn to tweak it with Visual Basic.)

1. Open a new notepad file. Copy the above script into this new text document.


2. Save the file with any filename ending in the extension ".vbs" (script.vbs or talk.vbs, for example).


3. Double-click on the resulting icon to run the script. After you've entered your text in the box and pressed the button, the box will disappear and SAPI will read back what you've typed. (There may be a bit of a delay depending on your processor, but this WILL work if you have a valid install of Windows XP, Vista or 7.)



HOW TO Women: Convince a woman you're not cheating on her.

"I have no reason to cheat on you. There's nothing another woman could give me that you can't. You're absolutely everything I want."

Note that this won't work if she has an actual reason to not trust you - like, that you're ACTUALLY cheating on her. (And if you are, you're a douchebag and you deserve to get caught.) This will only work if she's being unreasonably paranoid and you want to shut her down. Don't try to argue with her or validate her specific points. Just look her dead in the eye and say it firmly, calmly and without blinking. If she doesn't calm down immediately, repeat - simply, logically, and matter-of-factly.

This line will accomplish everything - it's coldly logical, but it's also incredibly romantic. It compliments her deeply, while at the same time reminding her that she's an idiot for ever questioning you. You win.